Salve for My Soul

The 'titles' start pouring in.  "The Difficulty in Life...", "Snapshot", "One Moment in Time" and on and on.   Then the composition begins; not on paper, but in my head.  It's a sure sign of inner turmoil and a search for answers to give peace to my soul.  No need to attempt distraction because my drive for healing is akin to life preservation.  Peace won't come until I've spilled my pain onto the written page.
I have no doubt that, somehow, the answer will find itself through the expression of all my jumbled thoughts screaming for release.

With each stroke of the keyboard relief begins to come.  In the most negative of images that run through my head I see an addict, banded arm, eyes closed, head back with a look of relief as the drug makes it's way through his veins.  I search for a more wholesome image but can't seem to bring it to consciousness.  Another indicator of my desperation.

There are other personal actions that I know myself well enough to anticipate.  The foundations of which begins with, "No". "No" to external requests from both family and friends.  My helpfulness, which I consider the reason for my being, falls prey to my need for self-preservation, survival.  Without this healing salve moving forward seems improbable.  It's like releasing the infection from an abscess, the release bringing relief; a lightening of the weight on my heart.  Maybe things will be okay after all.
The fog begins to lift, but I know that it's a process.  Yes, the feeling of relief is immediate but healing takes time. 

So, I'm thankful that my soul will find peace; I have no doubt because I am a child of God.  And like all of His children, I am unique with different abilities, talents and needs.  I am complete just as I am and my Father knows this. It is I who is unaware of the full beauty and completeness that lies within.  He walks along-side me as I find my way, searching the depths of my being for the answers which He knows are already there.  He loves me and desires joy for my soul.  And so He guides me, once more, to pen and paper (or more accurately, keyboard and monitor).  : )