My Main Man

 Companions for our journey are many.  There are those who brush by barely noticeable but, unbeknownst to our consciousness, purposeful all the same.  And those who come and stay, but only for a time.  There are even those who come and go, the timing erratic, left to God's wisdom.  One of the more joyful blessings, which not all (unfortunately, in my estimation) are blessed to have, fall into the category of 'life-long' friends.

For many of us there is the blessing of a life partner and, maybe, children.  But even children fall into a category outside of "my main man".
Husband; Life Partner; Significant Other...monikers which denote an exceptional role which no other has been given the privilege(?) in my personal life.  Complex beyond my other relationships and often, throughout the scope of it's duration, transitional.  And yet, the most important, and potentially formational (outside of the primary role given to my mother and father) in my life.  Intrinsically unique, due to the individuality of my lover and me, our partnership is beyond duplication.  No other formula is capable of producing the same outcome in terms of life experience, quality of life, joy, heartache and, even more amazingly, children born of this union.  Competition and comparisons are misguided as each couple, a one-of-a-kind combination, is beyond exact replication.  No other partnership is capable of producing the same exact BEAUTY...or DESTRUCTION.  

Likewise, as beauty is one by-product of successful relationships there is another side to the same coin.  Depending on the commitment and effort of those involved, the ugliness wrought by a relationship untended and uncultivated is capable of reflecting turmoil, disharmony and destruction.  Without a doubt, unintended by the Creator's original blueprint, the 'flip side' of life-giving beauty is a reality for many unwilling* to do the upkeep necessary for all living and growing things. 


Sadly, thievery, often unintended, becomes part and parcel of relationship failure.  The spirit and soul, created within each individual by God, becomes a casualty of a neglected relationship.  Without nourishment, our spirit becomes withered and merely a shadow of our once vibrant and life-filled reflection.  To be certain, the responsibility and care of our spirit and soul is, first and foremost, our own.  This being said, my personal understanding of intimate relationship, especially those who have taken a sacred vow, speaks to the desire to have a "help-mate" with whom to journey this earth to the end of days.    


When a couple puts in the hard work to really know and understand the heart and soul of the person for whom they have vowed their love, the rewards are exponential.  The beauty wrought, from being loved in such a way, extends far beyond their union.  The loved one reflects the inner beauty of acceptance, appreciation, and value, becoming a true gift to all those they meet.  Knowing and being loved creates a ripple effect touching individuals who then carry that love throughout our world.  Children, family, friends and acquaintances become recipients and, in turn, purveyors of the grace which love exudes.  The sound I hear in my head as I imagine this beauty is Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World".  (Check out the soundtrack for the movie Meet Joe Black for a secondarily favorite version).    


My brother tells me, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (NIV)


What is it that they say?  If I recall correctly..."The best marriage relationships begin as friendships."   



*Sadly, on a more complex and deeper level, there are those partners who are possibly incapable or unable to do the optimal work needed for a flourishing relationship. A subject best left for a blog post all it's own. 
   

Salve for My Soul

The 'titles' start pouring in.  "The Difficulty in Life...", "Snapshot", "One Moment in Time" and on and on.   Then the composition begins; not on paper, but in my head.  It's a sure sign of inner turmoil and a search for answers to give peace to my soul.  No need to attempt distraction because my drive for healing is akin to life preservation.  Peace won't come until I've spilled my pain onto the written page.
I have no doubt that, somehow, the answer will find itself through the expression of all my jumbled thoughts screaming for release.

With each stroke of the keyboard relief begins to come.  In the most negative of images that run through my head I see an addict, banded arm, eyes closed, head back with a look of relief as the drug makes it's way through his veins.  I search for a more wholesome image but can't seem to bring it to consciousness.  Another indicator of my desperation.

There are other personal actions that I know myself well enough to anticipate.  The foundations of which begins with, "No". "No" to external requests from both family and friends.  My helpfulness, which I consider the reason for my being, falls prey to my need for self-preservation, survival.  Without this healing salve moving forward seems improbable.  It's like releasing the infection from an abscess, the release bringing relief; a lightening of the weight on my heart.  Maybe things will be okay after all.
The fog begins to lift, but I know that it's a process.  Yes, the feeling of relief is immediate but healing takes time. 

So, I'm thankful that my soul will find peace; I have no doubt because I am a child of God.  And like all of His children, I am unique with different abilities, talents and needs.  I am complete just as I am and my Father knows this. It is I who is unaware of the full beauty and completeness that lies within.  He walks along-side me as I find my way, searching the depths of my being for the answers which He knows are already there.  He loves me and desires joy for my soul.  And so He guides me, once more, to pen and paper (or more accurately, keyboard and monitor).  : )