The Shift

"From head to heart"; then, and only then, truthful and clear understanding comes and the pursuit for true change can begin.
Those of us who pursue maturity and truthful self-examination will admit to that, more often than not, we know the most tested and true answers to overcoming personal challenges.  We know the habits and attitudes we should embrace to live the quality of life most befitting children of God.  But knowing does not always translate into sincere understanding or, more importantly, doing.
Why the disconnect?  Most assuredly the easy answer is, "Because we're human."  But simplicity ends there.  We are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' which encompasses not only our physical body, but the mental and spiritual aspects of our being.  Complicating the answer to my question is the looming reality of 'free will'; 'choice' given to us by God.
There was a time in my young mind that I believed God was responsible for everything that happened, from the rising to the setting of the sun and everything in between.  He's the Creator of all things...isn't He?  He controls all.
Throughout the years and my ongoing journey with my Creator, through good times and bad, I've come to a deeper understanding of His plan for His people and some of the methods He employs to get our attention.  Just as there is a time that we, as parents, allow an 'age of innocence' for our children (this period unique for each individual child), I'm now of the experience and belief that God, too, acts thus as our heavenly Father.  Knowing each of His children intimately, He understands our capacity and readiness for fuller truths and accountability.   In my attempt to better understand the mind of God, two of my favorite scripture passages bolster my personal life experience.  These two specific verses (with a few bonus passages thrown in) instruct and encourage, but also forewarn.

** 1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you that is unusual for human beings. But God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your  strength. ...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**Hosea 4:6  my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge - They have not the knowledge of God, nor of sacred things, nor of their own interest, nor of the danger to which they are exposed. They walk on blindly, and perish.

Because thou hast rejected knowledge - So they might have become wise, had they not rejected the means of improvement. ...

**Proverbs 5:23   He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.

**Job 36:12   But if they do not listen, they will perish by the sword and die without knowledge.

**Proverbs 1:31   they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

**Proverbs 10:21   The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.

 Prayer and study, along with life experience, have helped to validate my conclusions...for the time being.  One of the many difficulties of being "human" is the undeniable truth that 'change' (and taxes!) is inescapable.  If we have the blessing of another day of life...never say 'never'.  Each day brings new opportunities to learn, regardless of our age.  It's amazing to discover just exactly how much we don't know that which we don't know. (That's a tricky one but it'll come to you).

The point of this composition is to flesh out on paper the truth that a 'shift' has occurred   What my head once knew has now found it's way into the depths of my heart.  As much as I would like to beg the 'innocence' of my childhood (and a good part of my adulthood), the key has been turned; the truth of the matter has become more than mere consciousness.  It is now a Big 'T' Truth, a vivid reality. Not only does this knowledge demand new accountability but the well documented consequences, which I have observed in the lives of many others, have now taken on a new strength in reality.  Should I choose to plead ignorance in hopes of escaping responsibility for my personal well-being, or as Clark's Commentary aptly describes it, "my own interest", I have no one or thing to blame.  The 'shift' does cause momentary imbalance but God has provided the answers to lead me back to the life of balance which He has always intended.

Change is rarely easy and often even painstaking.  But, I've lived through change before, both unexpected and self-imposed.  Now the ball is in my court, the decision is mine.  Now that my heart knows, self-destruction is no longer due to ignorance but must be considered a willful act on my part.  It's a harsh reality but one I can no longer deny.    

The 'Click'

Something has changed.  You know, the proverbial "click".
I'm of the firm belief that it's rarely just one incident that brings on this clearing of the mind but rather a culmination of many less sensory 'clicks' that culminate in the one larger "Ah ha" moment.
Father announced at mass yesterday morning that Joan ____ had died (I didn't understand the last name), and I eventually found it to be a woman with whom I was acquainted.  Many years ago, Joan and I had the shared experience of being "Pink Ladies", volunteering at our local hospital.  I later recognized her as we attended mass at our small Catholic Church.  Several years my senior with a more reserved personality (toward me at the very least), it wasn't too surprising that our lives rarely intersected other than a friendly "hello" on a Sunday morning.
But this past February, as I was getting preregistered for my gallbladder surgery, I found Joan doing the same exact thing.  She too would be going in to have her gallbladder removed around the same time as my scheduled surgery!  Always a friendly conversation, on the few occasions that we did encounter one another, we spoke of what brought us to the necessity of this procedure.  I promised my prayers for the success of her's and asked that she pray for me, too.  It was a pleasant meeting and a touch of connectedness to know that I wouldn't be entirely alone on this surgery floor the next day.
I encountered Joan and her husband on a couple of occasions in the following months to find that she had a bit of trouble after her surgery but, once again, promised my prayers as we carried on with our different worlds.
The news of her death was unexpected (no great surprise since our lives rarely intersected) and brought  sadness.  The fact that we didn't know each other very well was trumped by the fact that this was a person with whom I had shared just a hand full of small, but meaningful, life experiences.  The human condition is a challenging one but always made easier by traveling companions.  Joan had touched my life on only a few occasions, but the connection, and not the length of time, was what was most important.
And so it is that the death of this fellow human being brought about, what I believe to be, the culmination of this sensory 'click' felt in my soul.  "Life is short."  I've repeated this same little cliche more times than I can even begin to imagine, but the death of this fellow 'earth-mate' brought this reality from head to heart in a sobering moment; the "click".
It's not just a cliche.  At this point in my earthly journey, with the blessing of 54 years, many beautiful experiences and my share of heartaches under my belt,  this reality rings true in my soul with a sensation reserved for only the most meaningful of revelations.
The CLICK has turned something on deep within me; an illumination to guide me.  A guide to new appreciation? new understanding? new opportunity? new courage?  I suspect it's a combination of all of these gifts to lead me toward the fuller life for which God has always intended for me.  Waiting and watching patiently He's now aware that I've 'clicked' the switch.  I feel confident that new treasures await my heart and mind.
Death truly does bring new life, in more ways than one.